What Snow? It's only October!

October 29, 2011: Week Seven: What Snow? It’s only October!  

I sensed that I would receive the phone call this morning. And the message was: “Just wanted to let you know that all soccer games have been canceled due to the weather. See you next week”. After all, it was snowing! I cannot recall a time when October snow tumbled across the lawn to unite with the layers of falling leaves. How could it snow two days prior to Halloween? Freddy was so excited for two reasons: the obvious–it was snowing and well, no soccer.

Bare and undressed

There was enough snowfall to construct a snowman. Should I dare garnish the snowman with a Halloween costume and place a pumpkin on it, assorted with candy? This should present an interesting trick–or–treat venture.

Freddy will dress as a police officer. His preferred pieces of the costume are the night stick and the handcuffs; naturally. Although these are kid–friendly costume ornaments crafted of flimsy plastic, he is not permitted to include them in his Halloween parade. Parents were advised against sending their children to school with “weapons” as this would pose a danger to other students. Seriously? It is imaginary play.

Halloween Parade at school

I presumed that Freddy would be joyfully enthused and passionate about dashing out to trick–or–treat. His initial momentum was strong and convincing. One short hour later, he was calling it quits. My baby was not feeling well and was developing a stubborn cough. A few days later we learned that he contracted a double ear infection and I was falling victim to bronchitis.

Not now Mom, I'm busy doing police work

Mr. Policeman did receive a considerable amount of candy since our travel covered a mere three block radius. His little green pumpkin overflowed with a variety of goodies. As we stopped for a short break, he seized his walkie talkie and when he finished speaking into it, he uttered: “Mom, I was talking to other policemen on my walkie talkie to see where they are trick–or–treating”. You just have to love moments like this, they are so precious. My heart was warm and fuzzy and I strained myself not to laugh. The manner in which he said this was adorable.

I sense that Freddy experienced more pleasure dishing out candy to fellow trick–or–treaters rather than receiving sweets of his own. Our bare snowman did not survive the night. He began to thaw and collapse before we could complete his look. Halloween goers took notice to our fallen snow creature and were amused. Snow and Halloween do not blend well, this combination is just bizarre.

What happened to soaring into a vast heap of bright pomegranate–colored leaves? And the crisp breathable air of autumn?

This early snow storm may be an intication of the harsh winter that is preparing to invade our space. Are you ready?

  

Don't forget the snacks!

October 22, 2011: Week Six: Don’t forget the snacks!

google images/examiner.com

Each week a parent is assigned to distribute snacks and drinks to the team players so that the little ones can refuel after the game. Guess whose turn it is this week? I wish this league had a snack stand similar to the one at my nieces’ soccer games. Bagels, burgers, hot dogs, coffee, hot chocolate, you name it; they have it. Apparently, their league is a tad bit more sophisticated than ours.

I hope I do not get short–term amnesia and forget the snacks. I must write myself a reminder on post-it notes and place them all over the house. A riot of disorderly four year olds may ensue if there is a shortage of treats. 

google images/ehow.com

It's an eventful week here at the soccer club. In addition to the snack list, each parent must also participate in selling raffles to benefit their child’s team. Did I mention that our team name is the “Scorpions”? Hint, hint, would you like to buy a raffle? We have the privilege of wearing Freddy’s favorite color: green. And yet this does not influence him to play whatsoever.

Soccer apparel is being sold as well. Pressure is placed on parents to buy at least one item. So a blue t–shirt it is. Did I mention that this is not all fun and games?

Freddy continues to expose his reluctance to participate. Even with nudging from his coaches and their promises to escort him each step of the way to score a goal, he kicks up his heels in refusal. His feisty little attitude could knock you over. Anyone who has been around a four year old long enough knows exactly what I am speaking of.

I recognize that Freddy has absolutely zero desire to play soccer for whatever reason, it is not his forte. And that is fine with me but I have to fulfill my commitment to bring snacks, sell raffles, and buy t–shirts, so that is where my focus is positioned this week.

It can become stressful at times; the running around, and the participation required of a parent.  Sometimes I look forward to the end of the weekend and the busyness of it all. As Monday rolls around and school is back in session, it seems much more tranquil, believe it or not.

Our involvement with this soccer league is a good release. Although demanding, it facilitates the identification with other parents and the ability to connect with them. Many of our children attend preschool together and are in the same class.

I am recalling a conversation I engaged in with my dad in Week One where he stressed the point of not forcing Freddy to play. “Let him develop at his own pace”. This phrase stings my ears and echoes through my mind roaming around endlessly trying to find a permanent home in my brain.  

As I worked my way through a stressful weekend, I did not forget the snacks, raffles, or apparel.

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Way to go mom!



One Week at a Time.

October 15, 2011: Week Five: One week at a time.

Keeping in mind the concerns and questions that emerged last week, I asked Freddy if he wanted to attend soccer this time before dressing him. I sought to present him with the option and not limit his opinion. He responded by crying: “No, no! I don’t want to go to soccer! I want to stay home!” His regularly scheduled tantrum was as if he was in utter agony from some type of torture I was afflicting upon him.

http://www.empoweringparents.com/Stopping-a-temper-tantrum.php#

I decided that it may be favorable to sit this one out at home. We recently returned from a trip to Florida and are still in recuperation mode. However, I explained to my son that although we were not venturing out today, we will attend next week. When I least expected it, that gleam in his eye flashed itself and sparkled in the reflection of my vision upon him. That spark lit up his face with joy when I agreed to stay home and play.

Wow! His discontentment for soccer seems worse than I had imagined. I initially registered him in the league since he enjoys running. My thoughts were that this would be a valuable and safe opportunity for him to fulfill that enjoyment. Soccer is a reasonable sport for beginners his age.

It is not my goal for him to assume that it is acceptable to end his involvement in soccer prematurely. I expect him to put in the effort next week and continue even if it is on the sideline “watching and learning”.

My plan is to manage this one week at a time. If this displeases him to the point of boredom and dissatisfaction, then we will discontinue and bring this to a close. I am concerned that resigning before the season ends may be teaching Freddy that it is appropriate to surrender, that starting something and not following it through is satisfactory. He is just four years young and on the other hand, at this particular stage, he may not perceive that this is quitting, he may see this as soccer is over, and nothing more.

As far as possibilities of other developmental delays existing and thoughts that haunt me, as of now, there is no additional evidence that suggests this to be the case. It seems to be isolated to speech.

Freddy and I enjoyed playing at home, I engaged in imaginative play with him and he was ecstatic. He has a love for building and constructing things, tools, and the like. He is mechanically inclined and has the innate gift of working with his hands.

If I could only find local classes that would emphasize that talent!

 

He would rather do this than play soccer

 

Freddy loves to paint

Again I ask, when is enough, enough?

October 8, 2011: Week Four: Again I ask, when is enough, enough?

As week four in the season approaches, I assume that Freddy will learn to enjoy playing soccer and will become eager to participate. He again does well in practice and it seems that he is becoming acclimated. However, when the beginning of the game launches, he repeatedly searches for ways to come off of the field and join me on the sideline. This week he did remain in the game for a few minutes longer than previous weeks but nevertheless chose to cut it short.  

As he approached me at the sideline, it was clearly evident to me that he is not enjoying himself with this sport. As I desire for my son to find his niche in some type of physical activity, if he is unhappy with soccer, what am I promoting? Does he feel pressured? Does soccer really bore him that much where he rolls off of the field declaring that he is tired every week? And for me I wonder, if he is so tired every week when he barely runs around, should that raise a concern to possible medical conditions?

My son has been classified as preschool disabled due to speech delay. Before preschool, he received services through Early Intervention for speech therapy. Although he has made tremendous progress over the last two years, he continues to struggle with speech and articulation, and receives individualized speech therapy services. The reason I even mention this is because I wonder, is there something else occurring? Is his disengagement in soccer related to any other type of delay or is he just extremely aware of his speech delay compared to that of his peers? 

googleimages/graphicshunt.com

As we watch his team play, I asked Freddy if he enjoys playing soccer. His response was a well–defined “no”. Instead of quickly encouraging him to sprint back into the game, I asked him a series of questions such as: why don’t you like it? Is there something that bothers you? Why do you feel this way? His simple response was: “I don’t like it because there are too many people”. This again has me questioning if his dislike for being in a group setting has something to do with his speech delay or some other interruption in development. I could also be overanalyzing the thought; he could simply be disinterested in this particular sport.

This leads me back to the question that I proposed in Week One: When is enough, enough? If he is not enjoying the experience, what is the benefit? Perhaps he may be too young and not ready. All children develop at different stages, so if other children his age are ready, he may not be. As I struggle to decide on whether to pull him out now after four weeks or stick it out for another six, my sole desire in this is to discover what activity would sincerely enhance his development and bring him to a place of harmony. I am desperate to see that gleam in his eye, that sparkle, the evidence that he is content.

As other team players are blossoming into motivated and inspired players, Freddy lacks that enthusiasm that lights up a child’s face when you know it is pleasurable. I can see it in his eyes; he is not interested, competitive, or ambitious about soccer. As I am concerned about the questions that flood my mind, it breaks my heart to see him unhappy and disengaged. The cheerfulness that usually radiates his smile at other moments is lacking here. I am committed to finding another source of fun for him whether it is swimming, karate, activities at the Little Gym, or something entirely different. This is now my pursuit.

In the meantime, again I ask, when is enough, enough? Will it be week four or week ten?



googleimages/powerthechurch.com



Parents are competent thinkers, you are not alone

October 1, 2011: Week Three: Parents are competent thinkers, you are not alone

Okay, so remember how I mentioned last week that parents were pleasantly relaxed? Well not so much this week. There was one parent in particular that certainly was absorbed and became a nuisance to everyone. Her daughter feared playing the first two weeks, sobbed through the entire hour, and kicked up her heels in refusal to play. This is quite understandable; she is five years old after all.

Today this little girl was driven to participate since one of the coaches boosted her up and placed her onto the field. She chose to chase after the ball and unexpectedly scored a goal. The ball shot directly into the opponent’s net. Everyone thought it was adorable and just chuckled. So, she scored a point against her own team but it wasn’t a big deal. Until her mother made it one that is.

This mom is typically pretentious and irritating when she speaks. The air carries her voice like the piercing toot of a thunderous train approaching. My ears ached. I thought it was commendable that she praised her daughter for generating the goal while concealing the fact that it was for the opposing team. The girl’s face lit up, sparkling like a shiny star on a clear night, and she was developing a strong–willed determination to give it her all. She was genuinely enjoying herself. It was a pleasure to see her involved and confident especially after witnessing her whimpering for the first two weeks. It truly IS all about the kids. So I and other parents alike were pleased. Although we were down one point, that didn’t matter much.



googleimages/blogs.ajc.com



However, her mother made a spectacle of herself regarding her daughter’s goal. She stridently boasted about how her daughter scored, and screeched across the field to her daughter (which is discouraged by coaches and mentioned in the rules as a “do not”). She approached parents demanding that the situation not be revealed to her daughter. Not one parent had that thought in mind. Doing so would crush the little girl’s spirit, don’t you agree? Why would any parent want to discourage a five year old from succeeding?

Her mom felt that it was her obligation to explain to every parent, in a child–like manner, that her daughter’s discovery of this fact must be prevented at all costs. For the remainder of the game she was quite obnoxious, theatrical, and excessively prideful. I understand that as a parent you are delighted that your child does well and chooses to participate. However, do not underestimate the intelligence of others please. We are all well aware that this piece of information should not be disclosed to the child. It is not necessary to loom about attempting to clarify it in such a manner that is insulting and demeaning. Do not patronize other parents please! It is not appropriate and not appreciated. These parents are competent thinkers, you are not alone.  

When I arrived home, I uncloaked the negativity that clung to me from dealing with this mom. I later noticed how this mom was boasting on a particular social networking site about how her daughter scored a goal and was the best player on the team. She exaggerated to the point of creating the illusion that her daughter was ready for a professional position tomorrow. My initial reaction was disgust. And I will tell you why. I really do not appreciate when people lie, even though it may be minimal. It disturbs me.

I am pleased that this little girl came out of her shell; I am content that she gained confidence, and I am thrilled that she will make a great asset to the team. However, I and others were frustrated with her mom. She was nauseatingly prideful, condescending towards others, and fibbed about what actually took place. Give other parents a little credit please.

Then I just laughed and went to my best friend’s wedding.

From the sideline, “Watch and Learn”

September 24, 2011: Week Two: From the Sideline, "Watch and Learn"

Week Two proved to be a better week than the first. The coaches were well prepared and more organized and the children were inspired to play. The structure of disorganization that lingered from last week seemed to magically dissipate. Once more, Freddy did well in practice. He sported a smile of enthusiasm that illuminated his entire face when practicing a drill of kicking the ball back and forth to one of his teammates. In the moment, he was content and when he is happy, I am happy.

Practice ended, and the game began. Echoing last week’s performance, my son decided that he was going to escape from the field and sit the game out once again. Free from outbursts, he simply walked away. Well that was an improvement from last week, wouldn’t you agree? Unlike the prior week, I was prepared. His small, child–sized, outdoor camping chair was parallel to mine and I assumed that it would serve the purpose of taking small breaks. Not so.

I felt more at ease now than the previous week about him sitting out. I decided that I would be supportive whether he chose to play or not. I decided that I would be silent from spewing out discouraging comments and avoid causing him discomfort by attempting to force him. I did make the effort however, to encourage him but I did not forcibly insist that he play. I elected to allow him to make the choice. I was determined to let him decide on his own action. He suggested that he “watch and learn”.  This is a sentimental phrase that he and I frequently share with each other. I agreed with delight.

The other players were focused and playing well. They were attentive to the coaches and to the game. I am happy to report that our team won. Last week I could not even tell you what the score was, I only knew that we lost. This week we won 2–0. Improvement was made by players, coaches, but most of all, the parents. Parents seemed more confident and less stressed. I, myself, consciously chose to follow rules in the Parent’s Soccer Survival Guide and remember that “The game is for the children” and “Let them learn at their own pace”.

Allowing Freddy to make his own decision of sitting this one out, gave me the freedom to enjoy spending time with him, prevented me from barking out commands, and removed the possibility of placing high expectations on him when he just isn’t ready. He will participate when he is ready. So from the sideline, my son and I watched and cheered his teammates on.

The coaches taught me a valuable lesson this week. The attitude that came about was a positive one which focused on accepting that the little ones would let them know when they were ready to engage. After all, these little ones are just four and five years old. If it’s not fun now, it never will be. It is easy for parents to get carried away as they want their child to succeed. The real success unfolds when parents allow their children to breathe, to gain confidence, and to have fun.

Freddy is a visual learner. “Watch and learn” is an effective tactic for him. As he watches his team move up and down the field, he will learn how to play the game. Once he feels comfortable, he can join in.

I just want him to have fun.  

Calling all Rookies!

September 17, 2011: Week One: Rookie Week

It’s official. I have become a soccer mom, a nice little jump up from being identified as a soccer aunt. I have been inducted into the soccer mom subculture although I think I had my foot in way before soccer started.

My “baby boy” Freddy who just turned 4 years old in July began playing soccer for the first time and although he is familiar with knowledge of what a soccer ball looks like, he has limited understanding of how to play the game.

There was a disorganized structure in the air; no one really knew how to untangle it. Many new parents and children surfaced and I was glad to see a few familiar faces from my son’s preschool.

One of the other rookie moms whispered to me, “There should be a special needs soccer team, don’t you think?” She wanted her other son, who is autistic, to have a similar opportunity as his sibling. She did not want him to develop a disposition of irritation as he sits on the sideline watching his brother play. I thought that was a very interesting point. With an increased population of children with special needs, why isn’t there a special needs team?

Practice begins. With his mommy, daddy, and grandparents cheering him on, Freddy’s confidence flaunted through his high–spirited smile. During the first half hour of practice, he did remarkably well. I was expecting some crying, tantrum, and any behavior he could muster up to alert me that he did not want to participate. To my blissful surprise, he appeared to be having fun during practice drills. Great, I thought, he is going to enjoy this. It’s going to be easier than I had imagined it would be.
 

The game begins. A few minutes into the first game of the season and Freddy’s first game ever, he comes sprinting off of the field. My thoughts were premature as he did not disappoint, crying and carrying on displaying HIS finish. He was done. I tried to encourage him to get back into the game but he was reluctant to my nudge. He was not the only rookie acting out this willful debut. There were four other players on his team also crying and uttering that they did not aspire to play.

I became increasingly nervous. As a rookie mom, I did not know exactly how to handle this situation. Although I had been to my nieces’ soccer games numerous times, this was new territory for me, and for my son. I glanced around at the other “new” parents and witnessed that they were also disheartened. Unsure of how to encourage their child without dipping into negative reinforcements, each novice parent, including myself, did the best we knew how to do. Should we expect coaches to intevene and inspire young new players?

It seems odd and quite funny to me that all five players who had beginners’ anxiety were all on the same team, my son’s team. It should come as no surprise then, that our team lost. Don’t laugh at me when I tell you that I cannot even convey what the final score was. I was so diligent in trying to drive Freddy back into the game. I was not alone.

Hmmm, where is that survival guide for new parents when you need it?

I do not want to pressure my son so far as to seem that it is forcing him to play, but at the same time I do not wish for him to learn that it is acceptable to quit after not really trying. When is enough, enough?

Calling all rookies, parents and children alike, get back into the game.

Let’s see what next week brings. I’m trusting that Week Two will create a better outcome. Maybe I will even be able to report on the final score. Maybe Freddy and the other rookies will play in the game.

Here’s hoping.