Again I ask, when is enough, enough?

October 8, 2011: Week Four: Again I ask, when is enough, enough?

As week four in the season approaches, I assume that Freddy will learn to enjoy playing soccer and will become eager to participate. He again does well in practice and it seems that he is becoming acclimated. However, when the beginning of the game launches, he repeatedly searches for ways to come off of the field and join me on the sideline. This week he did remain in the game for a few minutes longer than previous weeks but nevertheless chose to cut it short.  

As he approached me at the sideline, it was clearly evident to me that he is not enjoying himself with this sport. As I desire for my son to find his niche in some type of physical activity, if he is unhappy with soccer, what am I promoting? Does he feel pressured? Does soccer really bore him that much where he rolls off of the field declaring that he is tired every week? And for me I wonder, if he is so tired every week when he barely runs around, should that raise a concern to possible medical conditions?

My son has been classified as preschool disabled due to speech delay. Before preschool, he received services through Early Intervention for speech therapy. Although he has made tremendous progress over the last two years, he continues to struggle with speech and articulation, and receives individualized speech therapy services. The reason I even mention this is because I wonder, is there something else occurring? Is his disengagement in soccer related to any other type of delay or is he just extremely aware of his speech delay compared to that of his peers? 

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As we watch his team play, I asked Freddy if he enjoys playing soccer. His response was a well–defined “no”. Instead of quickly encouraging him to sprint back into the game, I asked him a series of questions such as: why don’t you like it? Is there something that bothers you? Why do you feel this way? His simple response was: “I don’t like it because there are too many people”. This again has me questioning if his dislike for being in a group setting has something to do with his speech delay or some other interruption in development. I could also be overanalyzing the thought; he could simply be disinterested in this particular sport.

This leads me back to the question that I proposed in Week One: When is enough, enough? If he is not enjoying the experience, what is the benefit? Perhaps he may be too young and not ready. All children develop at different stages, so if other children his age are ready, he may not be. As I struggle to decide on whether to pull him out now after four weeks or stick it out for another six, my sole desire in this is to discover what activity would sincerely enhance his development and bring him to a place of harmony. I am desperate to see that gleam in his eye, that sparkle, the evidence that he is content.

As other team players are blossoming into motivated and inspired players, Freddy lacks that enthusiasm that lights up a child’s face when you know it is pleasurable. I can see it in his eyes; he is not interested, competitive, or ambitious about soccer. As I am concerned about the questions that flood my mind, it breaks my heart to see him unhappy and disengaged. The cheerfulness that usually radiates his smile at other moments is lacking here. I am committed to finding another source of fun for him whether it is swimming, karate, activities at the Little Gym, or something entirely different. This is now my pursuit.

In the meantime, again I ask, when is enough, enough? Will it be week four or week ten?



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Parents are competent thinkers, you are not alone

October 1, 2011: Week Three: Parents are competent thinkers, you are not alone

Okay, so remember how I mentioned last week that parents were pleasantly relaxed? Well not so much this week. There was one parent in particular that certainly was absorbed and became a nuisance to everyone. Her daughter feared playing the first two weeks, sobbed through the entire hour, and kicked up her heels in refusal to play. This is quite understandable; she is five years old after all.

Today this little girl was driven to participate since one of the coaches boosted her up and placed her onto the field. She chose to chase after the ball and unexpectedly scored a goal. The ball shot directly into the opponent’s net. Everyone thought it was adorable and just chuckled. So, she scored a point against her own team but it wasn’t a big deal. Until her mother made it one that is.

This mom is typically pretentious and irritating when she speaks. The air carries her voice like the piercing toot of a thunderous train approaching. My ears ached. I thought it was commendable that she praised her daughter for generating the goal while concealing the fact that it was for the opposing team. The girl’s face lit up, sparkling like a shiny star on a clear night, and she was developing a strong–willed determination to give it her all. She was genuinely enjoying herself. It was a pleasure to see her involved and confident especially after witnessing her whimpering for the first two weeks. It truly IS all about the kids. So I and other parents alike were pleased. Although we were down one point, that didn’t matter much.



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However, her mother made a spectacle of herself regarding her daughter’s goal. She stridently boasted about how her daughter scored, and screeched across the field to her daughter (which is discouraged by coaches and mentioned in the rules as a “do not”). She approached parents demanding that the situation not be revealed to her daughter. Not one parent had that thought in mind. Doing so would crush the little girl’s spirit, don’t you agree? Why would any parent want to discourage a five year old from succeeding?

Her mom felt that it was her obligation to explain to every parent, in a child–like manner, that her daughter’s discovery of this fact must be prevented at all costs. For the remainder of the game she was quite obnoxious, theatrical, and excessively prideful. I understand that as a parent you are delighted that your child does well and chooses to participate. However, do not underestimate the intelligence of others please. We are all well aware that this piece of information should not be disclosed to the child. It is not necessary to loom about attempting to clarify it in such a manner that is insulting and demeaning. Do not patronize other parents please! It is not appropriate and not appreciated. These parents are competent thinkers, you are not alone.  

When I arrived home, I uncloaked the negativity that clung to me from dealing with this mom. I later noticed how this mom was boasting on a particular social networking site about how her daughter scored a goal and was the best player on the team. She exaggerated to the point of creating the illusion that her daughter was ready for a professional position tomorrow. My initial reaction was disgust. And I will tell you why. I really do not appreciate when people lie, even though it may be minimal. It disturbs me.

I am pleased that this little girl came out of her shell; I am content that she gained confidence, and I am thrilled that she will make a great asset to the team. However, I and others were frustrated with her mom. She was nauseatingly prideful, condescending towards others, and fibbed about what actually took place. Give other parents a little credit please.

Then I just laughed and went to my best friend’s wedding.